Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the most mind-bending, psychedelic poultry brawl of the century: The SFC Fight Club! Get ready for a wild, heart-pounding showdown between two of the most extraordinary fowl fighters we’ve ever seen!

In the red corner, hailing from the depths of Barstow’s abandoned chicken shack, it’s the underdog coming in with a record of 9 wins and 14 losses – give it up for Peccos Bill!

And in the blue corner, the intoxicated brawler, the king of the coop with a staggering record of 116 wins and 83 losses – put your feathers together for The Super Fried Chicken!

The fight kicks off with an aggressive move from The Super Fried Chicken, lunging forward and sinking its beak into Peccos Bill’s wing. The crowd gasps as the feathers fly! (-6)

But Peccos Bill refuses to back down! Summoning the power of the shack, he hurls a ball of searing-hot oil from Bob’s Burninator, striking The Super Fried Chicken with explosive force! The heat is on, folks! (-8)

In a sickening counter, The Super Fried Chicken serves up some dodgy drumsticks. The rancid meat hits its mark and Peccos Bill falls victim to food poisoning—poor guy even soils himself in the middle of the ring! (-12)

With gusto, Peccos Bill shakes off the sickness and launches a rug project, scamming The Super Fried Chicken of all their hard-earned tendies! The tables have turned, with The Super Fried Chicken feeling the burn! (-12)

Not one to be outplayed, The Super Fried Chicken retaliates, dousing Peccos Bill in a thick layer of burning oil from Bob’s Burninator. The crowd holds their breath as Peccos Bill emerges, resembling a Flamin’ Hot Cheeto! (-16)

In a daring twist, Peccos Bill decides to get experimental. He slips The Super Fried Chicken some DMT and convinces him that he can fly. With dilated pupils and a reckless grin, The Super Fried Chicken leaps off a cliff thinking he’s about to soar, only to plummet to the ground like a psychedelic comet! (-15)

The dust settles and amidst the chaos, Peccos Bill stands victorious! The audience roars as this remarkable bird has defied the odds and emerged as the new, undisputed SFC Fight Club champion! Peccos Bill, you’ve shown us that sometimes, even the underdog can bring glory to the flock!