In the red corner, weighing in at an impossible number of pounds, we have Dank, an audacious hell-raiser with a record of 67 wins and 48 losses. In the blue corner, weighing only marginally less incomprehensible, lurks Saul Monella – a ten-win, eighteen-loss wild card that frazzles the senses. The arena pulses with anticipation, frenzied chicken squawks filling the air as these two titans square up under the neon lights.

And what’s this?! From the get-go, Dank proves why he’s the veteran of the coop, pecking the odds to shreds by unleashing a fiery-hot blast from Bob’s Burninator. The crowd goes wild as Saul Monella is turned into a flaming poultry comet, feathers ablaze and cackling in the heated frenzy.

But Saul Monella, refusing to be plucked so easily, counterattacks. With a dramatic rush of adrenaline, he delivers a critical strike that sends Dank flying across the arena! The crowd gasps as Dank spirals through the air, yet lands with a ruffled poise, nursing a bloody scratch on his weathered skin.

Not to be discouraged, Dank clucks in defiance, retaliating with something that has the crowd on their feet in raucous disbelief. With a maniacal grin, Dank flings a volley of hot sauce at Saul Monella, scorching feathers and even the bravest of the spectator’s views!

However, Saul Monella was still roosting strong. With avian dexterity, he slices through the air with a single strike. The sonic boom that follows hits Dank like a tidal wave, delivering damage to his eardrums. The tension in the coop intensifies, Dank bleeding profusely from the onslaught of surprising blows.

It seemed as if the underchicken might indeed have the upper wing. That is, until Dank decided to change the beat of the fight. Ignoring the wounds, ignoring the pain, Dank charges forward. The crowd gasps as Dank smacks Saul Monella with an outlandish tail smack, sending the underdog flying into the air and crashing on the other side of the ring.

Finally, Dank decided it was time to conclude these feathered antics. Delivering the final devastating blow, Dank smoked Saul Monella. The applause was deafening as Dank stood triumphant, silhouette smouldering in the wild cheer of Super Fried Chicken’s Fight Club. Winner once again, Dank reigned supreme in a coop that never saw an ordinary day.

As the crowd’s cheers echoed and the dust clouds settled, the announcer’s voice rang out one last time, ‘Here in Barstow, at SFC’s Fight Club, one thing’s certain - no chicken comes away ungrilled, especially when Dank’s in the coop!’