Ladies and gentlemen, brace yourself for the retelling of a psychedelic, poultry pandemonium that went down in the SFC’s Fight Club right here! Here we go!

The night was ablaze with anticipation. The crowd was wild on adrenaline, each and every person, eyes glued to the main attraction: The fighters. In the red corner, with a record of 21-23, the infernal fowl better known as Punky Zombie Cane. Opposite him in the blue corner, a feisty bird with a record of 20-17, the one, the only, Cock.

The first hit was not only a punch but a geophysical phenomenon. Cock delivered a bone-crushing blow to Punky Zombie Cane that caused a miniature earthquake beneath him. The crowd roared as shockwaves rippled across the fighting floor, and Punky Zombie Cane staggered backward, feathers ruffling in the aftermath.

Undeterred, Punky Zombie Cane struck back with what can only be described as culinary sadism. He doused Cock in Bob’s Burninator’s hot oil, lighting him up like a rave at the North Pole. Flaming feathers lit up the Colosseum with an ethereal glow as Cock writhed in the scorching heat. The crowd gasped at the audacity of the attack.

But like a phoenix rising from the flames, Cock thundered back. He leaped high into the air, rocketing above Punky Zombie Cane, before crashing down like a Hammer of Dawn. The concussive impact sent a shockwave barreling across the floor, blowing the remaining flames out, and sending Punky Zombie Cane tumbling down.

Then, the air still thick with smoke, feathers, and the shock of what they had just witnessed, the crowd held its collective breath for the final declaration: “Cock has defeated Punky Zombie Cane!” The Colosseum erupted into a vicious chorus of cheers, celebrating the bedazzling victory of our very own, Cock.

What a night, and what a fight! This unforgettable skirmish will forever be one for the Fight Club lore. To Cock, the winner of this psychedelic shaking showdown, we salute you!