“Ladies and Gentlemen, buckle us as we get ready to ruffle some feathers here in the psychedelic battle arena of SFC’s Fight Club! It’s a madhouse, with a smackdown between two of our most notorious fighters, poised to deliver action and drama on a whole new level!”

“In the red corner, we have Peter Pan, our flightless fowl, ostensibly the underdog with a record of 0-2! Despite his disastrous track record, he’s here, masquerading bravado and grit. He’s definitely out to prove he’s no spring chicken.”

“His opponent, in the blue corner, is the Employee of the Month, our poultry powerhouse with a record as impressive as his plumage, standing tall with a record of 111-84, a seasoned veteran of the ring.”

“Rounds of ecstasy ensued as Employee of the Month takes a cocky start, squirting a buttermilk blizzard towards Peter Pan. Our underdog retaliates, but not before he bleeds heavily from a gaping wound. The audience cringes, but Peter Pan wades through it all like a brave rooster in a raging storm!”

“Despite the blood flow, in a swift turn of events, Peter Pan summons a giant meteor! With a mighty cluck and a frenzied flap of feathers, he brings it crashing down on Employee of the Month with apocalyptic force. Oh, the anarchy! The Employee reels, nursing a wound that is bleeding slowly.”

“But our blue corner warrior, never known to back down, responds with an egg-plosion! Flinging eggs directly into Peter Pan’s eyes, blinding our red corner fighter momentarily. Peter Pan fumbles, his wound gushing like a broken fire hydrant.”

“And then, in the final stage, in a dazzling display of dominance, Employee of the Month makes Peter Pan his barnyard inferior! The blood, the buttermilk, the eggs, it all culminates in a spectacular display of victory that leaves the arena pulsating with high energy.”

“Tonight, as every feather settles and our winner basks in the cheers, Employee of the Month stands victorious. Here at SFC’s Fight Club, this fight will be remembered - a fever dream of poultry punches and barnyard brawls. Until next time, dear fight fans, stay wild and cluck on!”