Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, welcome one and all to another rambunctious night here at the incomparable SFC Fight Club! I’m your announcer, and tonight we have a match for the ages! In the red corner, with an impressive record of 140 wins and 93 losses, the fearsome, the formidable, the fiery fiend… Cockodile Dundee! And in the blue corner, our challenger with 28 victories and 17 defeats to his name, the elusive, the enigmatic, the intoxicating… Charlie!

Now hold on to your seats as we dive headfirst into a psychedelic battle royale the likes of which have never been seen before!

From the get-go, Cockodile Dundee takes the offensive, unleashing a scorching-hot gout of oil from the notorious Bob’s Burninator! The crowd roars with excitement as Charlie staggers backward, his nose bleeding profusely from the impact (-5).

But Charlie isn’t going down without a fight! In a daring and unexpected move, he wrestles the Burninator away from Cockodile Dundee, shoves the barrel right into his opponent’s backside, and BOOM! Raising the drama of this battle, Cockodile Dundee is engulfed in flames from the inside-out (-5). The atmosphere is electric, and the crowd erupts with a mix of shock and awe!

Despite his internal inferno, Cockodile Dundee is no quitter. Bleeding from a puncture wound (-5), he concocts a devious plan to regain the upper hand. With cunning and guile, he cooks up a batch of spoiled chicken and offers it to Charlie in an apparent truce. But, oh! The treachery! Charlie bites down and is instantly struck with food poisoning, humiliatingly losing control of his bowels (-23).

With Charlie weakened and on the verge of collapse, his once-promising start now overshadowed by his serious cut and gushing blood (-10), Cockodile Dundee charges in to finish the job. With one final, mighty blow, he sends Charlie’s battered body crashing to the ground!

And there you have it, folks — another nail-biting, edge-of-your-seat bout here at the SFC Fight Club! Tonight, we raise our glasses of hallucinogenic brew to the victor and ever-so-ruthless: Cockodile Dundee! Let his name be etched forever in the annals of SFC Fight Club history! What an incredible, unforgettable psychedelic showdown!